As I have studied confidence and learned how to be more confident, I have realized that it is better to tackle your fear of asking someone something or asking for what you need/want instead of letting it pass and never knowing if it is something that could have been possible. I always extend offers to people I want to spend time with because, even if they aren’t available or aren’t feeling like doing something I am doing, I prefer to know rather than realize later that they would have enjoyed it or wanted to spend time with me. I have definitely gotten over that fear, and the people closest to me will always get me running things by them just in case they’d like to participate with me.
Regret is such an awful feeling, which you become all to familiar with when you are struggling with your confidence. You may convince yourself that others don’t want to spend time with you, don’t enjoy your company, or just don’t enjoy the things you do. Again, all of this is inner self talk and sabotage. Think about some things you may not enjoy as much as someone you love does, do you still join them at least from time to time? Most likely, you do because you enjoy being around them and you enjoy seeing them happy in their element. So why would you not give others a chance to do the same for you?
But, this is also a twofold confidence issue. When you overcome that fear of asking, you also have to overcome the habit of taking things personally. Especially when you extend an invitation. If we are doing so to give the other person a chance in case they are free, or they would enjoy it, or maybe they just want to spend time with us, we also have to realize if they are busy or not into the activity, it isn’t something against us personally. That may even be more difficult than summoning the confidence to ask in the first place because of our inner voice and conditioning.
A few important things to remember are that nothing happens overnight, we are all works in progress, and it takes a while to recondition thoughts and actions we have developed over long periods of time. If someone is always saying no to you, that could be an indication that your energies just may not align or they just have different interests. If someone says no to you now and then, it’s not personal. They may simply be busy or need time to just be. Our minds tend to make things all or nothing when it gets stuck on an idea. So someone passing on your invitation or suggestion could be internalized as them ALWAYS saying no or NEVER wanting to hang out with you. Most times, this is not the case at all and the reality is much more simple.
We all have certain people and friends we’d love to be around 24/7 but unfortunately, life doesn’t always provide that opportunity. Life does provide us with moments that we can savor, make the most of, and amplify to maximize the enjoyment we feel between one another when we are together. The special people in our lives are there to bring out the best in us, we just need to know that.
Now, there are other areas where we need to speak up as well. How about that raise or promotion you deserve? What about that one friend who isn’t respecting your boundaries? You must change your self talk around and realize you are worthy. We also need to overcome the fear of not going for it or asking in order to avoid that regret you feel by letting things continue as they are.
This is also true of the things we ask the universe for (or God or what you believe in). Having the confidence you ask for what you want, need, and deserve is how you can attract it from the universe. What we put out creates the energy that comes back to us.
The more I’ve studied confidence, the more I’ve seen that it really does touch just about every aspect of our lives. Have you ever been faced with any of the situations I’ve mentioned? How did you handle it? Do you have regrets and have you learned how to have less? What are you not asking for that you need out of fear? What could having more confidence do for you?